the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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