His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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