Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
