This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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