fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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