I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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