What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
