Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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