Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
