It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
