I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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