I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I had to cum in my sink.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
