It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Randomize
