I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
