If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
