Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
