you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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