when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
