you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
