um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
