DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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