Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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