I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I intend to get homeless drunk
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
