i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
