Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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