Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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