i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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