this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
