I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
