when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
