Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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