Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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