Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
