I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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