She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We need to get me chipped asap
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
