i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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