I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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