went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
