i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
