i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
