Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
