he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
