how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
