Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
