I'm eating all of the evidence.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
