My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
What drink are we having for lunch?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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