Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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