I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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