U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
