Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
