Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
