Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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