Heybabeimwearingurpanties
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
