So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
